pondering the puzzle pieces

(Sorry for the title; I can’t resist some cheesy alliteration.)

I finished prepping for school and am sitting here gazing out my window at the extremely green and lush world outside. It’s gloomy today, but it feels like rainy season in the tropical jungle. Tennessee spring is very alive, and I love it.

I’m trying not to think too hard right now or I’ll get worried about not having a job next year. If you think of me, pray that God will provide something… I’ve left the door open for either school and either way, at this point, I feel would be a blessing. If He has something different for me than teaching next year, though, I’m open to that as well. I guess I’m just not excited about a long job search (as some of my longsuffering friends are in the midst of) if that be the case. So, I’m praying for clarity and meanwhile, I’m distracting myself with other things and not pondering the issue too much since there is nothing I can do about it.

My life’s been far from boring lately. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and praying, and wanting once again to write a lot. To sort out my thoughts, to process what’s going on, and because I still believe it is part of my “calling,” in some way I don’t yet understand. Journal writing comes easily, but everything else seems difficult right now. I have lots of thoughts but they don’t organize themselves neatly into articles. I need to figure out how to lasso them and pin them down into nice little three-main-point essays.

But maybe life is too complicated, too intricate for formulaic calculations. Maybe the puzzle pieces I’m seeing are bits of a much larger picture; a picture I cannot yet see and therefore cannot define. In that case, I yearn to write about it but I can only describe the bits and pieces; not the whole.

Often, I wish I could glimpse the future and see the larger picture. But I remain feeble-minded, weak, and dependent on God… and there is something beautiful in that. I need Him now, more than ever.

My brother comes home today from grad school! He’s living here over the summer, which makes me happy. We stay in fairly close contact, but phone and IM chat don’t compare with spending real time together. I’m anticipating a fun summer. I’m on the home stretch… Since May 20 is a field day, May 19 is my last day of class. Soon, soon!

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