searching for serenity

What is in God’s hands to the point where I should remove all of my involvement? There is a balance, is there not, between being proactive and trusting? In the past, I’ve been told to act as I see wise; that “God cannot steer a parked car.” I’ve embraced that idea over the past few years. Knock on the doors of opportunity; if one opens, enter if it seems a good decision. Is there anything wrong with that? I don’t think so. The danger, perhaps, is taking the next step in an attempt to take control of my life or to manipulate circumstances to go my way.

Leaving the results to God is where I falter. I want to know what to expect in life. Always, the flesh wars against the spirit in this way. I want to know I’ll have a job next year, that I will be happy and successful in it. I want to know that long-cherished dreams will someday come to fruition. I want to know! But I can’t. It is not wrong to hope, but it is wrong to intertwine my hopes for this life with my faith in God and salvation. Christ in me, the hope of glory, exists in a different reality from that of my life on earth. My real hopes are my spiritual hopes. It is for Him, and for the love that only He can give, that I long most deeply… not knowing, sometimes, that He is what I want.

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