a new leaf

I finished my tenth handwritten journal on Saturday and began my eleventh. My first entry in a new journal is always a little contemplative. This time, I decided to post some of it on my blog, so here are a few thoughts from my personal writings for the world to see. (Hello, world.)

For once, I am not as excited to turn over a new leaf; begin a new journal. My life seems to entertain a constant search for meaning. I always collect the puzzle pieces, put them in little piles, and try to fit them together. Most often I try to force them together. All of them. Because I want to see the picture. Now! My impatience makes me sick. And yet it’s there. One piece fitting with another, quite naturally, only makes me long for more. I am hungry to understand it all. I don’t want to be content with a clue, a glimpse only.

In some ways this is a good thirst: for knowledge, for wisdom. But in others it’s very selfish. My motives are self-focused, most of the time. I ask so that I can use the results for my own gain. To get what I want.

Yet, I thought today of Psalm 37. God gives us the desires of our heart. But are the things I want good things? I want to get my dreams and to be happy, cozy, easy, and content. Are those good goals? Are they godly goals? Do I dream as He dreams, or do I limit my imagination to possibilities that require less effort, less faith than what He imagines on my behalf?

I want to grow. I want to change. I don’t want to remain stagnant, as much as that sometimes sounds appealing . . . because it’s easy. It’s the way of little effort and much relaxation. Not resting in God, but laziness. That path is not fulfilling; it’s empty and without satisfaction. I know.

Dreaming the right dreams. The best dreams. That is what I want. And the wisdom and stamina to fulfill my purposes. To carry projects to completion, to be disciplined in how I spend my time. Focused on the dreams. And the Dreamer.


One Response

  1. YES.

    [thanks for sharing this!]

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