restless

Lately I’ve been restless.

My life has held only limited routine since the beginning of summer. I’ve been working here and there, but I am longing for the advent of a regular schedule to carry me through the fall, winter, and spring โ€“ the academic seasons. I’m used to pouring myself into educational pursuits during the school months and somehow this “lag time” I’m experiencing is difficult to walk through.

It’s a time when I have sown and must wait to reap. It’s the quiet time when I can persevere and be patient. Or I can be restless and impatient.

I guess restlessness in itself is not a negative feeling. It’s a magnification of what I constantly carry in the deepest part of my heart. It’s a craving for something more than I can ever find in this life. It keeps me pushing forward, searching, longing, discovering. Even at the supremely beautiful moments when I feel completely satisfied in every way, I only have to wait an hour or two and I’m physically hungry or tired. I’m restless because even though I am here for important purposes and to enjoy the fullness of life, I am an eternal being, not content with the mortal world.

So maybe this stronger feeling of restlessness is to remind me that I always experience it in some degree, small or great. It is part of what makes me dependent on Christ, because my hope in Him is the only thing that promises an eternal solution to the restlessness problem.

Advertisements

2 Responses

  1. One thing I’ve been meditating on recently is that we can’t choose what keeps us close to Christ, but the things that keep us close to Christ (often the agonizing parts of life) are exactly what we need.

    Hang in there… I can’t wait to see you in 9 days! ๐Ÿ™‚

    • “One thing Iโ€™ve been meditating on recently is that we canโ€™t choose what keeps us close to Christ, but the things that keep us close to Christ (often the agonizing parts of life) are exactly what we need.”

      True that. I think the scariest prayer for me is, “Whatever it takes to keep me close to You.” I always kind of cringe while I’m praying it, but ultimately it’s what I want.

      Can’t wait to see you too! ๐Ÿ˜€

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: